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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Diet Coke is Making Me Fat

Those who have known me for some time know that I am prone to making pronouncements. Historical examples:

Kindergarten, holding brown paper bag on which I'd written "Running Away," containing blanket and bag of marshmallows: "I'm running away."
Response from parents: "OK, be careful."

Senior year of high school: "I had a dream last night that I killed a cow by pushing it off the back deck and now I'm going to be a vegetarian."
Response from parents: "Yes, dear."

Yesterday: "I'm thinking about getting a nose job. I want a nose that could best be described as 'pert.'"
Response from Significant Other: "No, you're not."

This morning: "Diet Coke is making me fat. I'm not drinking it anymore."
Response from Significant Other: [silence, continues reading newspaper]

As you can see, my loved ones have grown accustomed to weathering these various whims. However, in an attempt to keep my batting average above .500, I believe that pronouncement No. 4 will join pronouncement No. 2 in actually sticking. Typically, throughout Lent, I don't eat sweets. This usually results in a nice, flat stomach. Ergo, I've always inferred that sugar = little potbelly, so no sugar = hello bathing suit season! But this year, that wasn't the case. I still had that little stubborn bump. Then I realized that I've been chugging Diet Cokes like they're going out of style and I made the connection. So for the last few days I cut way back and switched mainly to water. Already flatter.
Eons ago I remember reading a Vogue health article by some dame who wanted to lose weight [Editor's note: all Vogue health articles are either by a 115-pound contributing editor who wants to lose weight or a 28-year-old contributing editor who wants to get Botox] and her doctor prohibited diet sodas on the belief that the carbonation led to swelling. Do any members of the scientific or medical community reading this have any explanation for this? Is it really just because of the sodium? I'd Google it myself but I don't have time. I've got nose job risks to investigate.


Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

Won't make you fat, but it's not good for you. The Aspertame leads too violent mood swings.

1:06 PM  
Blogger LMNt said...

Believe it or not, diet soda drinkers are more likely to be overweight than regular soda drinkers. Check it out.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

Love how I am reading this while drinking a Diet Coke for breakfast and thinking about the 10 pounds I need to lose by Memorial Day. Ah, irony.

1:48 PM  
Blogger inowpronounceyou said... there like, bourbon in it?

2:08 PM  
Blogger LJ said...

Interesting... well, I love my Diet Dr. Pepper just the same.

Makes me think of a story my co-worker once told us. She worked with a girl who had to go to the doctor because she was having these random spasms. Turns out she was drinking some ridiculous amount of Diet Coke (something like 10 a day). Took her off that, she was good to go.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you out of your freakin' mind, bird-brain? you need a nose job like i need a nail in my eye ball

2:41 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

I agree actually. That's why I don't drink it. I actually gave up all soda at one point because I was on a diet but refused to drink Diet Coke. It's those weird chemicals I tell ya!

2:59 PM  
Anonymous b said...

interesting article LMT

4:57 PM  
Anonymous etcetera said...

your beak is lovely. pass the scrapple, would ya?

5:33 PM  
Blogger Twoste said...

I'm sure you're beautiful just as you are. Don't worry about Vogue. You're making them jealous.
Re: Diet Coke, well, let's just say there's more to the coke than just the coke. Stop eating the can!

6:16 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

I once read that if a person who drank one soda a day switched that soda to water they would lose 10-15 pounds in a year. I have no idea the science behind that, but I believe everything I read so it must be true.

6:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to eat two sandwiches a day, huge dinner, a pint of Hagen Daas for desert, five diet cokes/day, a case of beer every weekend......never gained weight when I was 23 and active. Things change.

8:01 PM  
Blogger honeykbee said...

Consider snorting the Diet Coke. That should solve both of your problems.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Kevin said...

10 diet cokes a day? That's about average for your S.O. and his brothers.

2:26 AM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Ninja-I'd rather be filled with murderous rage than overweight. ;-)

LMNT-That was fascinating, thank you.

Pretty-Yes, I've been fairly selective in my science: I also ate a bunch of Easter candy this weekend.

INPY-Only in the morning. Zing!

LJ-Yes, as Kevin has indicated in the last comment, I have my own little scientific study in my house. The S.O. drinks about 12 a day. No foolies.

Etc. and Twoste-Why thank you.

Eric-Interesting on both the soda point and the believing everything you read point. Which reminds me: you owe me 50 bucks.

Anon-I steadfastly refuse to acknowledge that my body is adjusting with age. Mainly because I steadfastly refuse to acknowledge that I'm aging.

HKB-See, that's why you're great: you're always using your noodle on these types of problems! ;-)

Kevin-You guys will have to be preserved for science someday. They're going to create the scientific [NAME] Theorem for you--Caffeine and artificial sweetener consumption is proportionally mitigated by Luling Barbeque consumption.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Drinking caffeine makes you dehydrated and dehydration causes bloating. Your body doesn't want to flush something if it's thinking it might need it soon.

Caffeine also depletes your calcium intake. So if you drink a glass of milk and a can of soda, the calcium from the milk will not be absorbed into your bones. I don't think this has a correlation to weight, but it should be considered by anyone who drinks caffeine.

Water on the other hand flushes the body when consumed in slightly excess amounts. Your body needs 6-8 glasses a day to function well and stay hydrated. If you drink 8-12 glasses a day, the excess water will flush your system taking burned up fat & toxins with it.

When you are hydrated & eating well your body has what it needs, so it gets rid of what it doesn't. When you are dehydrated your body wants to hold onto all of its fat and fluids because it thinks you are in famine mode and will not be eating or drinking anytime soon.

The shift that you made from soda to water can explain the difference that you noticed.

If you absolutly need caffeine, like I do, coffee is a better choice than soda and green tea is better than coffee. [Insert scientific support here.]

Caffeinated beverages should be limited to 2 per day and you should drink an equal amount of water within the same time period. Also get 3-4 servings of dairy/day to protect your bone health.

If you can live without caffeine DO IT! I wish I could. You can try crystal light or diet-caffeine free soda for flavored drinks, but water is always the best choice.

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

will do good in the field of rhinoplasty.As shaping or reshaping up of nose will add different and better look to the face.This will definitely improve one's look with well suited nose structure .

8:17 AM  

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