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Monday, March 19, 2007

Turn Your Head and Offer Way Too Much Information

Not that you asked (and trust me, that phrase will set the tone for this post), I haven't posted in a little while because I've been busy getting diagnosed with what is officially the silliest sounding disease ever...wait for it...Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. The long and short of it is that about every six months I start heaving and, as the name implies, can't stop until I sally forth to a hospital for my intervenous cocktail of choice on such occasions--liquid phenergan.

The first time this happened was Christmas 1999. I assumed I was allergic to the pine tree-dotted resort in the Catskills where I was spending the holidays. The last time it happened was at this past fall's Clemson-Virginia Tech football game. (That's my little gameday souvenier from the Montgomery General Hospital in the picture.) While I would have liked to have assumed I was allergic to bad football and Hokies, I knew otherwise. After that incident I decided six years of this foolishness was enough and it was time to figure out what was going on. So I recently turned myself over to the folks at Johns Hopkins. (It's like a spa with doctors. And needles. And scary radiation tests. But seriously, other than that, it's awesome.) So it appears that CVS, the disease named after a drugstore, is my little cross to bear. Which in the grand scheme of health maladies is like having doctors tell you that you're going to break a nail every six months. (That is, in my case. I should note that for some who get this--typically little kids--it can be very serious.)

I share all of this not to make you say "Ewww gross," and do that sneer thing you do with your right nostril. Rather, it is to make you aware of this illness in case you too have evenings of non-stop heaving that you can't attribute to bad shellfish or too much champagne. I'd make yellow rubber "Pukestrong" bracelets, but frankly I think since I and about 10 other people have this thing, I'm not sure I'd break even.

16 Comments:

Blogger Twoste said...

Well, at least you won't need to go to the gym one month out of the year.

1:47 PM  
Blogger JordanBaker said...

I am SO sorry. I hate throwing up so much. . .I can't even imagine having to do it on the regular (without having first earned it by dint of inappropriate shots).

1:54 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Ugh. I'm sorry to hear this.

I wonder whether they couldn't've changed the name to something that doesn't evoke images of the pharm and my ExtraCare card. I thought about "Random Vomiting Disease", but that's "RVD" which sounds like something out of a gyno's office. Yeah, I guess it could be worse.

...so you've got that going for you, which is nice.

1:58 PM  
Anonymous etcetera said...

i still dont understand why you weren't posting last week.

kidding.

two yrs ago i went through a stint of twice-weekly puking for a month or so and no one could figure it out. then my BF of the time told his OB/GYN DAD about it and i found myself taking a pregnancy test at my bf's father's request. not cool. it was negative. obvi. the bf's dad felt bad and gave me six months of free samples of my fave birth control to make up for it. pretty sweet deal, actually. that shit can be expensive.

anyhoo... how 'bout them hoyas?

2:28 PM  
Blogger LMNt said...

"...and knowing is half the battle."

Glad you got it figured out. Also? I can't help wondering why google decided this was the best place to put the "online dating for herpes patients" ad.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I am sorry you have to deal with this, but as a bonus, there is now a great "got herpes?" banner at the bottom of the post in your "ads".

2:56 PM  
Blogger Virgle Kent said...

hold up, you can't spread this by sharing a beer with someone can you???

Can you also get CVS the morning after with a sea donkey???

You know I had to say it

3:36 PM  
Blogger roosh said...

freak! the cvs joke was good though

4:29 PM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Yeah I agree with roosh. You feel like ass I bet, but you still manage to be funny. Sorry dear!

5:23 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Two-Bingo! It's that kind of savvy that's going to get you landed Health Minister when I take over the country.

JB-Luckily it's only a couple times a year, but yes, it's a total pain. To quote Seinfeld when asked how it went after he threw up the black and white cookie: "It was as good as it gets."

I-66-Although to be fair, the experience is pretty much on par with going to the CVS pharmacy: it takes forever, it's annoying, and I end up paying a lot of money for a whole lot of nothing.

Etc-Talk about TMI. ;-) Why do I imagine that the dude was named like Hunter Blake Baxley III, with a father like that? Although yes, free meds will cover a multitude of sins. And if the Hoyas lose in the Sweet 16 I will be one step further to winning (cough cough) bragging rights. So I'm afraid I'd prefer they not go anywhere. Sorry Charlie.

LMNT and Phil—It's not showing up now, thankfully. Phil, I trust now that I've got a diagnosis, the Playaz Medical Team will begin working in earnest to find a cure?

VK-If airborne diseases were the norm in this town, I believe you would be toast my friend. ;-) I've really go to look up what sea donkey means. I'm a little afraid...

Roosh-It's that kind of ignorance and prejudice that we in the puke-centric community are fighting against. Watch it, or I'll organize a march.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous b said...

I'd buy a bracelet.

Man, I'm sorry to hear about your medical condition. Sounds like a pain in the ....well, sounds bad.

=(

6:18 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Comet dust cures all, unless you believe these wacko scientists.

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Arjewtino said...

Omax is advertising at the bottom of this page. This is what it does:

"Based on the latest scientific research, Omax3 is a comprehensive Omega-3 supplement formulated to maximize benefits for cardiac health, mood and cognition, as well as joint, skin and immune support."

That's GOTTA help you somehow.

9:20 PM  
Blogger E :) said...

I'd totally wear a bracelet that read "PUKESTRONG." Awesome.

Hope they can treat you.

10:21 PM  
Blogger WiB said...

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis, but at least you know what it is. The worst is when you show up with symptoms/stories and they just shrug and say, "Yeah, we have no idea what that is." The comfort of medical professionals...

I'd get a bracelet, but I would submit that it should be green rather than yellow.

1:50 PM  
Blogger honeykbee said...

Cyclic vomiting syndrome sounds eerily similar to something my mechanic once told me was wrong with my car.

Hope you both come out of this with projectile flying colors!

5:30 PM  

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