It's Hallmark of Fatuousness Award Day

The Sorority Sniper

If you want to let the general populous know that you’ve got very little in your arsenal when it comes to commenting on a woman’s character, personality, talent, and intellect, then slam her for being in a sorority. Because nothing says, “I’ve got zilch as a societal observer or writer,” like “I hate sorority chicks.” You know who was in a sorority? Harper Lee, Joan Didion, Dian Fossey, Rosa Parks, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Sandra Day O’Connor, Mae Jemison, Coretta Scott King, and Georgia O’Keeffe. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: bashing a group based on the conception you've mentally whipped up for yourself of a certain type of female only makes one person in the room look like her slip is showing.

Trust me this week’s Hallmark of Fatuousness honoree, you’re not alone. I’m always puzzled by the number of people who feel it is socially appropriate to arrange their facial features into a look as if I’ve just waved a vial of skunk funk under their nose and exclaim in a disgusted tone that’s light on the politeness and heavy on the ignorance: “You were in a sororrrity?! Oh god, I never would have guessed that about you. Whyyyyy?!” In my conversations with former members of collegiate athletic teams, newspaper staffs, indie bands, film schoolers, College Democrats, College Republicans, minority student unions, glee clubs, chess clubs, and Magic the Gathering clubs, I’ve never once found anyone who says they receive this same reception with such stunning regularity.* And (deep sigh), please don’t tell me that you didn’t join a sorority because you didn’t need to buy your friends, because I’ll put your bar tab from college up against my sorority dues receipt any time.

*Fellowship of Christian Athletes alum may be the exception to this, but the ignorami usually at least keep their mouths shut to these folks’ faces.

Editor’s note: Lest you think the Hallmark Committee is a tad on the cranky or defensive side, don’t worry. It will also bestow the Hallmark of Intelligence, Humor, and SoForth awards, too. But let’s be honest, you don’t come here to read about the planes that land safely at the airport.