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Monday, February 05, 2007

I Love the Smell of Secret in the Morning...Smells Like Intangible Qualities

While wandering the aisles of the drugstore recently looking for the toiletries that help my moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy, something caught my eye on the deodorant shelves. Apparently, Proctor & Gamble have finally realized that to limit me to "Powder Fresh" or "Morning Breeze," is to limit my potential for growth as a human being, artist, and career woman. Now they let me smell like "Optimism" and "Ambition." Those are the actual names for new Secret deodorant scents. I can now harness the same spirit that compelled early explorers to set out across the West and the same fire-in-the-belly drive that drove Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first female Supreme Court justice. Specifically, I can harness them and smooth them under my arms for all-day long, all-day strong freshness. I'd imagine that the guy who sold this at the pitch meeting really brought it home at the end of his presentation thusly: "In conclusion folks, it's 2007. Women don't want to smell like a mountain spring. They want to smell like they're about to make partner. Let's make it happen."

6 Comments:

Anonymous etcetera said...

when was the last time you bought deoderant? those are not "new" scents. i've been spreading "optimism" in my pits since at least 2003.

3:55 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Shout to P Diddy and Proactiv. I long for the day when all our situations are plenty moisturized.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Etc-Whaaaa?! I've been a "Powder Fresh" girl all this time and I've never known I could have been an "Ambition" girl?! A sternly worded letter to the CVS execs in charge of product purchasing will be mailed this afternoon.

I-66- I work that line into conversation whenever possible. If I ever get married it's going in my vows and if I ever become president it's going in my inaugural speech. (Of course now that I'm using "Ambition" I'm right on track to become the first female president.)

4:15 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Bird for President - 2012

Platform:
Plans to moisturize the country's situation and preserve its sexy with the fresh scent of ambitious optimism. Will send powdery fresh morning breezes in direction of remaining portion of Iraq not govered by Iran or Syria.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

That's why the Playaz like Brut33's simple "essence of man" description. It could mean anything.

6:05 PM  
Anonymous Big Brother said...

Proctor & Gamble was going to go with a deodorant called “Success” but as it was comprised of 90 percent perspiration it was counter-productive.

7:45 PM  

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