I Love the Smell of Secret in the Morning...Smells Like Intangible Qualities

While wandering the aisles of the drugstore recently looking for the toiletries that help my moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy, something caught my eye on the deodorant shelves. Apparently, Proctor & Gamble have finally realized that to limit me to "Powder Fresh" or "Morning Breeze," is to limit my potential for growth as a human being, artist, and career woman. Now they let me smell like "Optimism" and "Ambition." Those are the actual names for new Secret deodorant scents. I can now harness the same spirit that compelled early explorers to set out across the West and the same fire-in-the-belly drive that drove Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first female Supreme Court justice. Specifically, I can harness them and smooth them under my arms for all-day long, all-day strong freshness. I'd imagine that the guy who sold this at the pitch meeting really brought it home at the end of his presentation thusly: "In conclusion folks, it's 2007. Women don't want to smell like a mountain spring. They want to smell like they're about to make partner. Let's make it happen."