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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Hello M'Lady, Those Certainly Aren't the Hands of a Baby Seal Clubber

After exiting at my Metro stop last night some guy immediately sidled up to me and decided, unsolicited, to escort me part of the way up the block. His clipboard said Greenpeace; his look said slimeball. Now, I've grown accustomed to dodging the "Gotaminutefortheenvironment?" hippies. They're harmless. You just point over their shoulders and yell "Hey, is that Trey?!" and they scatter. But this guy was even better. And by that I mean worse. Much, much worse. As I was alighting from the escalator, I pulled on my fuzzy green wool gloves. He actually said the following after prefacing it with a creepy "heh, heh": "Allll riiiight, green gloves. You know what Greenpeace is all about dontcha? Heh heh." Ugh. I mean really? Is that all it takes to be simpatico with your organization, dude? Because following that logic, Kermit the Frog should be out on an inflatable dinghy blowing up Arctic oil wells. The guy would have been so disillusioned if he knew I was wearing my genuine, infant polar bear-fur unmentionables.

14 Comments:

Blogger Ar-Jew-Tino said...

I hope you didn't reveal to him your penchant for killing baby pandas. You've got to stop that habit, BB.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

In my defense, those baby pandas were asking for it. Now the baby dolphins? I'll admit it, that was for pure sport. Although again, in my defense, they look great over the mantle in the library.

3:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...and you didn't even mention the Bald Eagle for Thanksgiving dinner.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous etcetera said...

mmmm! bald eagle. liberals love eating bald eagle for the holidays.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Oh yeah, especially if it's slathered in Freedom Hatin' Spicy Sauce!

5:27 PM  
Blogger Ryane said...

HAha. Kermit on an inflatable dinghy...that's funny. ;-)

7:11 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

If 'Hey Trey' doesn't work, could always say 'Hey, look at that eighth full of wonderful herby greenery'. Though that might be too long and confusing.

Mmmm, I like Freedom Hatin' Spicy Sauce on my fries.

7:46 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I wish I could put every environmentalist into a giant styrofoam container and bury them in a landfill.

8:32 PM  
Anonymous rcr said...

Wow. I'm going to back slowly out of the room and hope no one notices the Greenpeace membership card in my wallet.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Baker said...

Exactly, rcr. Ya buncha freaks.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

I've got no beef with environmentalists. I've got beef with environmentalists who are cheesy. And again, to reiterate, I most definitely have beef with baby pandas.

11:00 PM  
Blogger WiB said...

Mmmmm, beef with baby pandas.

I know what I'm ordering at Hunan Wok when I get home.

11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't even begin to describe how sexy "infant polar bear-fur unmentionables" sound to me. Damn. DAY-UM.

9:50 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

It's only a matter of time before rappers are talking about "infant polar bear-fur unmentionables" in their songs.

12:06 AM  

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