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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Position: Dog Nanny; Requirements: Head Must Fit Neatly in Freezer

Reader Etcetera is floating around on Craigslist today and comes across this. A man who describes himself as 50, single, and professional living in AU Park is in need of a dog nanny for his 15-month-old "puppy." Specifically, a live-in dog nanny. She of course immediately thought to send it to me. Not because I'd make a great dog nanny, but because I delight in poking a stick into that which I do not understand:

"I am interested in having someone assist in taking care of her and doing occasional chores in return for full room, board and a car. I have had two such people in the past year who became good friends and did a great job but have moved on to pursue other life interests. Their responsibilities included walking her for 30-60 minutes three times each day (morning, dinner-time, night), feeding her dinner, taking her to the park 1-2 times each weekend day, being a pet taxi on occasion and letting her hang with them when they were home during the day. Most days you will have from about 10AM to 5:00PM free. When I am in town, you will also have from 11PM to 9:00AM free. (If I am not in town, you will need to stay with her during these later hours.) Additional occasional chores would include weekly clothes washing, errands around town and being home if a home repair or delivery is scheduled...I live in a large new home near the metro. I will be providing a new car and a credit card for all your food, dog, car and home expenses."

So in exchange for a few hours of "dog nannying" that is almost entirely concentrated in the evening, you're going to get a home, a new car, and a credit card. I am reminded of a dialogue exchange from a classic of American cinema, "Detroit Rock City," when our young protagonists are contemplating picking up a female hitchhiker: "They make scary movies that start out like that." "Yeah, but they make porno movies that start out like that too, man!"

Let they cynical comments fly folks.


Anonymous etcetera said...

funny that you latched on to the jeffrey dahmer idea. i see this as application process for sex slave. i think at the last minute he deleted "you will also have a line of credit at The Pleasure Palace."

also, a 15 month old dog is not a puppy.

and no, BB, i will not go meet this dude at starbucks just so you can blog about it.

9:22 PM  
Blogger honeykbee said...

Hell, I do all that stuff now. And I'm far from free from 10a-5p. Where do I sign up??

9:28 PM  
Blogger E :) said...

Weird. The dog must be psychotic, is all I can say... Cheaper to hire a nanny than be continually repairing dog damage. I wonder if this dude thought of just calling Cesar Milan?

9:28 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Etc- Actually, I kept my theory fairly vague in case the guy is a libel lawyer looking for a dog nanny.

And pish posh, you've worked in war-torn refugee camps terrorized by janjaweed. You can't handle having an eggnog latte with this dude for the sake of my readers' inquiring minds?

9:31 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

I placed a similar ad last week for Sammy and Thora...

Actually, my dogs can take care of themselves. Why just yesterday, Sammy licked his own penis for once instead of making Thora do it.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...


9:37 PM  
Anonymous etcetera said...

velvet - hahahaaaaaaaaa! awesome. my dogs also "take care of themselves."

BB - the janjaweed did not wander in to the camps with cute boxer puppies in tow and try to chat me up at the local dog run. what creeps me out is that this dude is amongst us. and we can't tell him apart. janjaweed are the dudes in turbans and jalabias, galloping through town on camels with the AK-47s. they were easy to spot. (i'm not even kidding.)

besides, do you SEE me rushing back to darfur? i dont think so.

9:41 PM  
Blogger recovering overachiever said...

Wow, that's disturbing. It's like when someone on Craigslist or dating sites says, "I'm not a serial killer or anything, I'm totally normal." Well thanks, I assumed you were normal until you said that.
This ad reminds me of an article that I read while I was in Miami last year. Apparently the trend is for wealthy, older gentleman to offer housing to young, attractive 20-something women in exchange for "house chores and other things." Since the women don't have to pay anything, it couldn't technically be considered prostitution, but it's about one step away.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although I find it a little weird, apparently this is a growing trend. Time actually did a piece on roommaids a while back.

Creepy? Yes. Brilliant? Quite possibly.

9:47 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

RO and BaL- This is a weird, weird trend. I just read the article on "roommaids." I suppose it is brilliant for both sides if it sticks to the parameters laid out by all involved. But if one or the other turns out to be a total wangdoodle, what a freaking nightmare.

10:05 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Incidentally, since Etcetera found this item, does this mean I have to provide her a spot at my house and a credit card for "blog-related expenses"? Do I now have a "blogmaid"?

10:07 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

dude, and I totally just sent that guy an email. It was the credit card and free car that got me hook, line and sinker.

I've never been one to just randomly peruse Craigs List, except for if I'm looking for something specific, but do people really respond to crazy possibly mass murderers/rapists?

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Baker said...

What happened to taking care of your own friggin' pets?

3:52 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

I bet that dog is a total bitch. Spoiled rotten like Veruca Salt or something. Or maybe it'll a situation like Riachard Pryor in The Toy

1:52 PM  

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