Position: Dog Nanny; Requirements: Head Must Fit Neatly in Freezer

Reader Etcetera is floating around on Craigslist today and comes across this. A man who describes himself as 50, single, and professional living in AU Park is in need of a dog nanny for his 15-month-old "puppy." Specifically, a live-in dog nanny. She of course immediately thought to send it to me. Not because I'd make a great dog nanny, but because I delight in poking a stick into that which I do not understand:

"I am interested in having someone assist in taking care of her and doing occasional chores in return for full room, board and a car. I have had two such people in the past year who became good friends and did a great job but have moved on to pursue other life interests. Their responsibilities included walking her for 30-60 minutes three times each day (morning, dinner-time, night), feeding her dinner, taking her to the park 1-2 times each weekend day, being a pet taxi on occasion and letting her hang with them when they were home during the day. Most days you will have from about 10AM to 5:00PM free. When I am in town, you will also have from 11PM to 9:00AM free. (If I am not in town, you will need to stay with her during these later hours.) Additional occasional chores would include weekly clothes washing, errands around town and being home if a home repair or delivery is scheduled...I live in a large new home near the metro. I will be providing a new car and a credit card for all your food, dog, car and home expenses."

So in exchange for a few hours of "dog nannying" that is almost entirely concentrated in the evening, you're going to get a home, a new car, and a credit card. I am reminded of a dialogue exchange from a classic of American cinema, "Detroit Rock City," when our young protagonists are contemplating picking up a female hitchhiker: "They make scary movies that start out like that." "Yeah, but they make porno movies that start out like that too, man!"

Let they cynical comments fly folks.