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Friday, December 08, 2006

Because Wading Through All Eleven Sentences About Britney's Tinker Would Have Been Too Taxing

CNN.com has helpfully started summarizing the key points of their news stories in a red-bordered box that sits atop the article, sparing us the time it takes to read the lengthy works of journalism for which they are known. This is especially helpful when you're talking about pieces like this afternoon's "news" story about Britney Spears courageously breaking her week-long silence about why she's been flashing her vajayjay to anyone standing near her car for the last few days. What's great about this new "Story Highlights" feature is that it cuts to the chase and says "You know what America, you really are as dumb as a tree stump, and we've just got just the technique to pander to you."

This also makes me wonder how our most revered news stories might have benefited from a little bullet-point boost. Say, this one:

FBI Finds Nixon Aides Sabotaged Democrats
Story Highlights
* Nixon did something very naughty.
* Committee with funny acronym involved.
* John Mitchell warns Katie Graham of imminent breast-related accident.

or,
Japan Bombs Pearl Harbor
Story Highlights
* We did NOT see that coming!
* Oh no they di'nt.
* Inspiring posters to be manufactured in droves, eventually become kitsch.

Oh death of journalism, thy name is cable news.

(Sent From My Dell Desktop is also pondering this odd development. The highlights thing that is. Not Britney's aversion to underwear.)

7 Comments:

Anonymous rcr said...

I've come to loathe cnn.com. If not for their cryptic ledes, inane content, and excessive typos, then definitely for the fact that 50% of their content is only available in video (which I can't view at work).

10:10 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Don't forget Nancy Grace.

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) Did Britney not read you're post about how crappy Victoria's Secret underwear is?

2) I told you you'd do a much better job than I... ;)

3) Thanks for the link.

4:41 AM  
Blogger Barzelay said...

Hilarious. You could actually come out with an entire book, History Of The World: Story Highlights, in which you explain all the major historical events in a few easily digested bullet-points.

Fire Discovered
* Heat source conjured at will
* Oil prices soar
* Now safe to eat chickens

Rome Wins Punic Wars
* Caesar owns Sicily
* Carthage is fucked
* Spaghetti to be popular for millenia

And so on. Actually, that's a pretty good idea for a blog: the day's news in funny bullet points.

6:58 AM  
Anonymous rcr said...

Nancy Grace and Ann Coulter are in a dead heat for World's Most Despicable Blonde.

7:22 AM  
Anonymous etcetera said...

whew! i didn't make rcr's World's Most Despicable Blondes list.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous rcr said...

Don't worry, there's still time.

6:56 PM  

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