Because Wading Through All Eleven Sentences About Britney's Tinker Would Have Been Too Taxing

CNN.com has helpfully started summarizing the key points of their news stories in a red-bordered box that sits atop the article, sparing us the time it takes to read the lengthy works of journalism for which they are known. This is especially helpful when you're talking about pieces like this afternoon's "news" story about Britney Spears courageously breaking her week-long silence about why she's been flashing her vajayjay to anyone standing near her car for the last few days. What's great about this new "Story Highlights" feature is that it cuts to the chase and says "You know what America, you really are as dumb as a tree stump, and we've just got just the technique to pander to you."

This also makes me wonder how our most revered news stories might have benefited from a little bullet-point boost. Say, this one:

FBI Finds Nixon Aides Sabotaged Democrats
Story Highlights
* Nixon did something very naughty.
* Committee with funny acronym involved.
* John Mitchell warns Katie Graham of imminent breast-related accident.

or,
Japan Bombs Pearl Harbor
Story Highlights
* We did NOT see that coming!
* Oh no they di'nt.
* Inspiring posters to be manufactured in droves, eventually become kitsch.

Oh death of journalism, thy name is cable news.

(Sent From My Dell Desktop is also pondering this odd development. The highlights thing that is. Not Britney's aversion to underwear.)