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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I Can Die Now, I've Made It On McSweeney's

Some girls pine for diamonds. Others for a corner office. I merely sought the validation of McSweeney's. While choking down a certain food product one day in August, I knew that although it was revolting, it was my potential ticket to the big leagues. So I penned a review and sent it on its way. Not two days later came a reply: "You've sent this to the wrong email address. Please send all Reviews of New Food submissions to" An inauspicious start to be sure. I resubmitted the review, this time sprinkling it with that little extra fairy dust of a correct email address. Months passed and nothing happened. I grew sullen. As I laid in bed last night, kept awake by the gentle snoring of a reporter with the unfortunate task of having to rise before dawn to cover Panic! At the Montgomery County Polls! I thought, 'I will check and see if Dave Eggers has chosen to break my heart yet again.'

It would not be that night my friends.

Oddly enough, I can't call your attention to my particular piece because it has my name on it. Suffice it to say that it's there, near the top, and it is the reason my stilettos will be hovering a bit off the ground and the twinkle in my eye will be making that "ching, ching" noise as I traverse our fair city's streets today.


Blogger Eric said...

Please tell me it's the Rockstar Energy Drink one because I read that the other day and it was hilarious.

I also am hoping that one day McSweeney's will tell me that I'm funny. I'm working on an open letter that I was going to put in my blog but thought I'd try and class it up a little bit and submit it to them.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Virgle Kent said...

Sell out, I mean congrats....

1:47 PM  
Blogger Hey Pretty said...

So jealous. I sent them a submission to their Open Letters column and it was rejected. Go you!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

You go, girl.

Nice work.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Eric-While I'm sure I've been referred to as "Whitey" many times, I'm afraid that is not my handiwork. That one is however, hilarious.

VK-Jerk. I mean thanks...

HP and K-Thank you!

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting clues you've given so far ... BF who covers Bush in Chevy Chase ... former journalists in Palm Beach area ... and now this ... finally, enough for an educated guess!

Anyway, congrats. Your postings bring a chuckle to my dreary workdays.

3:02 PM  
Blogger V said...

Nice work!

I loved it, and there was one description you used that I loved above all others :)

3:26 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

"Anonymous," sugar, you are the least anonymous commenter ever. I admire your tenacity though. Email me when you've got it. ;-)

V-Indeed, a local shout out as it were. Hadn't thought about it until you said that. Wink.

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, and Clemson! How did I forget that one? I was less-than-certain when I first wrote, but I feel pretty sure now.

And yes, how lame was it to choose "anonymous" for my moniker? Very. But now I'm stuck with it, lest you think there's a SECOND reader-fan-with-too-much-free-time-at-work.

You can assign me a name and I'll use that in the future.

4:01 PM  
Anonymous etcetera said...


i heart mcsweeney's. my mom used to send me the beautiful bound editions (available at politics and prose!) when i lived in africa as a little comic relief.

on a related note, have you read nick hornby's The Complete Polysyllabic Spree? i highly recommend it.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Yeah, I would die too if I made it on to McSweeney's.


4:31 PM  
Blogger WiB said...

Well done.

I like the idea that you wrote the Rockstar drink review, if just because that means that somewhere in DC, there's a guy in stiletto heels precariously balancing a demitasse of decaf as he teeters down the sidewalk on the way to the office. Then again, this is DC, so there are probably several of them.

I know you didn't, but I may call you Whitey from now on, just because.

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I love it! Well done... I hope that someday I too can make it onto the brilliant pages of McSweeney's. Now I have one more reason to rave about you, my imaginary friend whom I've never actually met in real life (although we came pretty close twice!).

7:24 PM  
Anonymous Big Brother said...

More proof that you were in fact switched at birth and not actually blood related to anybody in our family.

9:44 PM  

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