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Friday, September 22, 2006

A New Weekly Brunch Bird Feature!

A couple weeks ago I featured a catalogue item called "The Bumper Bonnet," which one astute commenter pointed out most closely paralleled putting a diaper with a chin strap on your kid's head. Well, I get a lot of catalogues thanks to the previous owners of my home and my decision to once purchase an item from a Restoration Hardware catalogue. Now I get approximately five a day. And these things are chock o' block with the inane, ridiculous, and just plain nutty. So I've decided that every Friday I'm highlighting one, in a feature called: Why The Terrorists Hate Us.

Today's item: White Funkins!
Courtesy of: Ballard Designs, October 2006
Price: $65
Yes, Ballard Designs is selling white polyurethane pumpkin decorations for the discerning home. And it's not just the product itself, it's the ad copy: "When it comes to pumpkins, white is the new orange." White is the new orange for pumpkins?! Where in the hell have I been?! How did I not know that yet?! Oh, and you can get your monogram carved into the pumpkin. Because an unmonogramed, orange pumpkin is so last fall.


Blogger I-66 said...

Seriously, who wants a white pumpkin and is too lazy to go to the patch and pick one and paint it?

If they want pumpkins of another color, they should just wait a few months after Halloween and they'll have nice brown ones.

1:28 PM  
Blogger WiB said...

I'm pretty sure that white funkin is what K-fed thinks he's doing.

Incidentally, K-fed might be another reason the terrorists hate us, and I'm admittedly kind of with them on that one.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Alejandra said...

I want a job writing ad copy for these catalogs...

3:52 AM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

I-66- Who wants a white pumpkin to begin with!? I'll tell you who: communists.

WiB- No. Doubt.

A- Can you imagine the breakroom conversations at these places? All bubbly and overblown. Either that or totally silent because they all want to die.

1:24 PM  
Blogger WiB said...

If there's any justice in the world, the watercooler talk is a bunch of snarky kids howling about the fact that people actually a) get the catalog, and b) buy the things described in the catalog. You'd hope to hear something along the lines of, "Hey Jim, great work on the funkins copy. When I read it, I about shot coffee out of my nose. Seriously, that was great; I bet we sell 200 of those stupid things."

Hey, a guy can dream, right?

3:47 PM  

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