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Thursday, August 10, 2006

Some Beachside Observations

*There is nothing cuter than a 2-year-old in a bikini with a potbelly of which she is blissfully unaware.
*There is nothing more depressing than an 11-year-old sucking in her stomach.
*Apparently a significant chunk of lifeguard training is devoted to talking while whistle twirling. Less of a chunk, to observing swimmers in the ocean.
*Homeland Security needs to subcontract bin Laden detection services to the Washington National Opera. They just tracked me down while I was sitting on a beach 350 miles from home with spotty cell phone signal.
*There is little more satisfying than selecting which operas one will attend during the fall season while sitting on the beach. I keep expecting revolutionaries to descend on me screaming "J'accuse! To the guilliotine!"
*People with a penchant for bellowing their children's names at them every five minutes at the beach should pick shorter names than Isabella, Jonathan, and Mary Elise. Also, they should consider an alternative to parenting by shouting.
*I know small-of-the-back tatts are "tramp stamps," but do we have a term yet for belly button rings that have sparkly crap hanging off them? I humbly propose "slut buttons" addition to the American lexicon.


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