I Woke Up on the Floor of Some Japanese Family's Rec Room and They Would Not Stop Screaming

Maybe it was the beers. Or the expertly concocted margaritas. Or the shot of Icelandic schnapps so potent that I prayed for death halfway through. Not even french toast and a large diet Coke at The Diner alleviated my suffering. Hell, even the dog's a little cranky today, on account of her salami and marinated mozzarella hangover.
It's fair to say that the new home has been appropriately christened. They were stumbling out of here at 3 a.m. like the chimney sweeps from Mary Poppins. We'll call this Round 1 of many parties to come. It's so on.