I Think I Smell A Pic-a-nic Basket

Work took me to Lake Tahoe over the weekend. In the elevator of the hotel hung a Colbert-worthy sign titled "Bear Watch!" Under that were instructions for those not up on their bear monitoring, including, "Do not place freshly baked goods near open windows." Which makes me think that perhaps the sign's target demographic was not 28-year-old business travelers staying in the hotel, but rather, 80-year-old cartoon grannies living in nearby gingerbread cottages. Its parting directive was for anyone who saw a bear to call the front desk. Which made me imagine the following:

Clerk: "Hello, front desk."
Me: "Um, yeah, hi. I just read the sign in the elevator and I did in fact see a bear."
Clerk: "Oh my. Where?"
Me: "Well, he was just here in the elevator with me a second ago. I wouldn't have called really, but he pulled that dick move where he got on at the 1st floor and then got off at the 2nd."
Clerk: "God I hate that."
Me: "No doubt. Take him down."